Sharon Naylor – What Is Expected of a Groom
July 5, 2009 by smeyers
Filed under Celebrity Contributors
Today’s groom gets to participate far more in the wedding plans than just picking a tux and showing up on time to get hitched. That’s the model of yesteryear, when weddings were the domain of the bride and her mother. The groom was lucky to have any say in the big day back then.
But oh, how things have changed! More than 90% of today’s grooms say they’re not only willing to participate in the wedding plans, they’re excited to co-plan everything from the cocktail party fare to the cake to the classic car getaway ride. Why stop at just choosing a tux when there’s so much else the groom wants to work on?
Here are the top 20 tasks that are expected of today’s groom:
Foundation Decisions
Determine the wedding style: Will it be an indoor or outdoor wedding? Formal or informal? Hometown or in Hawaii? The style and formality determine all details, so the groom chimes in on the style he wants.
Establish the budget: The groom and bride discuss where the money will come from, if parents will chip in, if they can take on the entire plan themselves, which credit cards will be used, creating an organized spending plan.
Determine the locations and date: Chat with site officiants and managers to coordinate the best pairing of open time slots, the best season for the wedding, the perfect timing and locations for both the ceremony and reception.
Select his bridal party members: Name his inner circle of best man/men, groomsmen, junior groomsmen and ring bearers.
Create the guest list: Hand over that initial list of friends, family, colleagues and neighbors, assess his parents’ prospective guest list, and then work with the bride to pare down all those names to a more manageable final guest list tally.
Register for gifts: Whether in-store or online, join the bride in ‘clicking on’ his choice of shared household items, appliances, honeymoon elements, charitable causes, in today’s average of two to three different gift registries.
Create a personal wedding website: Share location and registry information with guests by designing an attractive and detail-filled personal wedding website.
Planning Details
Participate in dreaming up ceremony details: Write wedding vows, choose readings, music, unity candle rituals and other symbolic parts of the ceremony to reflect the couple’s beliefs and values.
Participate in creating reception details: Brainstorm details on everything from the cocktail party menu to the design and fillings of the wedding cake, whether to hire a DJ or band, choosing bar menu items, and picking wedding favors.
Find, interview and hire vendors: The best vendors make the best weddings, so invest time in locating professionals through friends’ referrals, interview them, and spell out the terms of the working relationship.
Partner in controlling the plans: Join with the bride to keep parents’ requests under control, play mediator, decide on budget cuts, confront difficult vendors and handle the day-to-day challenges of such a vast undertaking.
Choose wedding-day wardrobe and get men’s clothing ordered: Select a tux or suit ensemble, and share the details, get size cards and payments from the men, and coordinate tux rental pickups and drop-offs.
Research and book hotel room: reserve block for guests to get the best possible discount.
Partner on planning the honeymoon: Explore potential dream honeymoon sites, investigate price packages and travel fees, and book not just the getaway but special events during the honeymoon, such as champagne cruises and swims with dolphins for an unforgettable, indulgent vacation.
Choose playlist and first-dance songs: Grooms love to choose the song playlist for the reception, including partnering with the bride on selecting their first-dance song, the mother-son dance and other special song requests, since the entertainment is a very big priority for most grooms.
Attend dance lessons or practice first dance: That first dance is a big moment at the reception.
Attend pre-wedding parties: Many showers are now co-ed affairs and lots of fun.
Additional Tasks
Provide emotional support and romance for the bride: The entire wedding planning season is an intense experience, and the bride will definitely require an emotional boost, support, laughter, and romance from her true love. Pay special attention to her well-being, state of mind, and enjoyment levels, often stepping in to solve problems, and treating the bride to gifts of flowers or dinners out to reconnect as a couple, not just party-planners.
Join the bride in writing thank-you notes: It may not be the most fun possible, but it has to be done. And writing thank-you’s is a great way to revisit the joys of the wedding day and experience gratitude for guests’ generosity. Another post-wedding To-Do: join the bride in selecting wedding photo proofs, design the wedding album, and have portraits framed.
Bring their skill sets to the table: If a groom excels at graphic design, he may lead the task of creating invitations, programs and other print items. If he’s a foodie, he may bring his refined palate to talks with the caterer to create an excellent menu spread. If he’s a whiz with technology, he could create songlist MP3s for the DJ, band or iPod play factors.
While most grooms will say, “It’s her day,” referring to the bride’s wedding dreams, there’s still a big element of infusing their own personalities, wishes and tastes into every element of the wedding day. And best of all, they often make it far more fun for the bride thoughout the planning process.
