Dr. Laura – Relationship Prespectives
July 5, 2009 by smeyers
Filed under Uncategorized
Comments Off
Q – What is a proper amount of time to be engaged?
A – The proper amount of time to be engaged is whatever amount of time it takes for the couple to have additional clarity as to whether or not they “are a match.” Being “in love” and having had a number of years together is great, but not sufficient to determine the potential quality of a marital relationship. It is often during the engagement period that people truly find out each other’s character and personality, since this is generally the “let it all out” time as people relax. Also, it is important to note how each deals with stress (drugs, alcohol, fights, depression, fights, generosity, helpfulness, etc.). Don’t forget…it is a far, far better thing you do to cancel a wedding than ignore realities for years and then divorce with children. So, if I had to give you a “guess-timate”, 1 year minimum should be sufficient amount of time to be engaged.
Q – What do you do if you don’t get along with your mother-in-law to-be and what is the best way to tell your significant other?
A -You do not tell your spouse that you don’t like the woman who gave birth to him/her and raised them to be the person you’ve chosen to marry. The Commandment of honoring “Thy Father and Mother” includes in-laws. They are not your equals and are to be given the respect they’ve earned. So, don’t argue with them. If you don’t agree with something they’ve said just let it go into the wind. Do not torture your spouse with your anger or hurt with their parent. It hurts them and the marriage. If an in-law is clearly dangerous or destructive, they should be avoided.
Q – If a woman is ready for her guy to commit to marriage, what is the best way to hint at engagement without scaring him off?
A -No woman should be begging a man to marry her; no woman should demean herself by demanding or manipulating a man into getting engaged to her. I mean, really, why should any woman want a man who doesn’t worship the ground she walks on? One problem is that with shacking up and out-of-wedlock sex, many guys feel less inclined to marry and take on responsibilities. If after two years of “serious dating” a man has not asked for marriage, tell him that you have no intention of dating for chuckles, and that you want to settle down. If that is not his intention, you’re on your way.
Q – Do you think it is wise to get married while still in college?
A - It is not wise to get married at a time when you are in college as your financial obligations and time constraints do not lend themselves to quality family time. Men should not even date until they have the ability to take care of a family.
Q -How do you agree and stay out of arguments with your fiancé when it comes to planning a wedding?
A - My notion of the “perfect” marriage is when both people are consumed by a drive to make the other’s life worth living; fighting to get your way is not included. If your fiancé wishes something at the wedding, and you’re unwilling to bend and give it to ‘em, you’re not being a very good almost spouse. It doesn’t matter if all the colors match. It matters only that you take care of each other. There should never be an argument about wedding stuff.
Q -You love your fiancé, but what do you do if he has an annoying habit that you absolutely cannot stand?
A - Imagine being married to him for fifty years — fifty lovely years with wonderful memories. And then he dies. Are you going to think about that annoying habit with anger, or will you miss it? Because it means he’s no longer with you. Major character issues and a consistent pattern of socially unacceptable, thoughtless, unkind, mean behaviors should result in a broken engagement. Little quirks, no matter how annoying, should be accepted as a small part of a lovely package deal. Besides, have you noticed your behavior for three to four days each month?
Q -How long should couples wait to have kids after getting married?
A - Couples should wait until they have the mindset and finances to have mom be a stay-at-home mom.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is the #1 female radio talk show host and the third most listened to talk show host across the country. As one of the most popular talk show hosts in radio history, Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers no-nonsense advice infused with a strong sense of ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility; she’s been doing it successfully for more than 30 years, reaching approximately 8.25 million listeners weekly. Her internationally syndicated radio program is also heard on XM Satellite Radio, CelleCast, and is streamed on the Internet and podcast via StreamLink. She’s a bestselling author of eleven adult books and four children’s books, which range from the provocative (New York Times chart topper “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”) to the poignant (children’s book title “Why Do You Love Me?”). Her support of children and family values is legendary, and she is, indeed, “her kid’s mom.” She writes a monthly column for NewsMax, a twice-weekly column for The Santa Barbara News-Press, and a daily blog www.DrLauraBlog.com.
Dave Ramsey – Weddings on a Budget
July 5, 2009 by smeyers
Filed under Celebrity Contributors
So, you’re engaged. Congratulations! Now you get to pick a caterer and find your perfect dress. But you also have to figure out how to pay for it.
You may be asking yourself if it’s worth it to put such a big day on credit cards. You want it to be perfect, right?
Don’t do it! PAY CASH! Financial pressures are the number one cause of divorce in America today, and the number one thing we fight about.
The Consumer Reports Money Book states that the typical household has $38,000 in debt and that total consumer debt has almost tripled just since 1980. A recent survey conducted by Consolidated Credit Counseling Services found that 71 percent of Americans say debts are making their home lives unhappy. The beginning of your marriage should be exciting and joyful, why ruin that with unnecessary debt?
The most important thing is to figure out what you can pay for with cash and do a written budget. I am amazed how creative and resourceful a bride and her mom can be when they set a Cash Budget for a wedding.
Under no circumstances should you go into debt for this wedding. A $1,000 wedding paid for in cash will be a lot more enjoyable than a $10,000 wedding you’re stuck paying for in the years to come. The debt will cause a strain on your marriage that will overshadow your wonderful day.
It’s a proven fact that people who use plastic buy more than people who use cash. Don’t start your years together with debt from a wedding looming over you.
Instead of borrowing for your wedding, pay cash by using a sinking approach. If you want to spend $15,000 on your wedding and you have one year to save, you should put $1,250 into a cookie jar every month. Figure out how much you would like to spend and see if the amount can fit into your monthly budget. If not, you may need to downsize.
When you pay with cash rather than credit, you can almost always negotiate with vendors to get a discount, so you can get more bang for your buck. People get silly when they see cash–not a check or bank note–cash. There is something highly emotional about flashing cash when making a purchase. People react to the surety and the instancy of cash.
There are three keys to opening the door to huge bargains:
Learn to negotiate everything – even for your wedding! Everything you buy is negotiable at some time or place and win-win deals really work, so don’t be afraid to ask for the deal.
Have patience. Don’t let yourself get married to a purchase before the big day! Shop around to see if you can find something equally great at a cheaper price.
Know where to find deals. Treat deals like buried treasure. Hunt far and wide at estate sales, pawn shops and classifieds looking for that really good deal.
Remember that you may not be able to have it all. Focus on saving for your wedding now and put off buying a house for a while.
This can be hard for a society that is so focused on instant gratification that we microwave everything. As Brian Tracy, a well-known motivational speaker, says, “We are being taught by everything around us to have dessert before dinner.” We must have it, and we must have it now!
What happens in America when we get married is that everyone starts gathering around and whispering in our ear that we’re idiots for renting. But I think a lot of couples in their first year of marriage make some stupid purchases in real estate because of peer pressure.
Young marriage needs all the protection it can get as you really lock in and get to know each other and just love on one another that first year. There’s no need to add a bunch of financial stress with a mortgage. It’ll be a big enough struggle living in a little inexpensive apartment just spending T-I-M-E with each other for the next year.
Everything changes once the ring goes on the finger. And it really does take about a year to find out, for example how close to your mother-in-law you want to live.
So, for now, forget about the house and focus on staying on a budget to make your big day as perfect as possible.
Dave Ramsey is a personal money management expert, an extremely popular national radio personality and best-selling author of The Total Money Makeover. In his latest book, a follow-up of his enormously successful New York Times best-sellers Financial Peace and More Than Enough, Ramsey exemplifies his life’s work of teaching others how to be financially responsible, so they can acquire enough wealth to take care of loved ones, live prosperously into old age, and give generously to others.
Ramsey is the creator of Financial Peace University (FPU), a thirteen-week program that helps people dump their debt, get control of their money, and learn new behaviors around money that are founded on commitment and accountability. More than 500,000 families have attended FPU classes at their workplace, church, military base, local nonprofit organization, community group or Spanish speaking organization. The average family pays off $5,300 in debt and saves $2,700 in the first 91 days after beginning FPU and is completely out of debt, except for the mortgage, in 18 to 24 months.
On Oct. 15, 2007, Ramsey added television host to title when “The Dave Ramsey Show on Fox Business Network” debuted nationally. For more information visit www.DaveRamsey.com.
Sharon Naylor – What Is Expected of a Groom
July 5, 2009 by smeyers
Filed under Celebrity Contributors
Today’s groom gets to participate far more in the wedding plans than just picking a tux and showing up on time to get hitched. That’s the model of yesteryear, when weddings were the domain of the bride and her mother. The groom was lucky to have any say in the big day back then.
But oh, how things have changed! More than 90% of today’s grooms say they’re not only willing to participate in the wedding plans, they’re excited to co-plan everything from the cocktail party fare to the cake to the classic car getaway ride. Why stop at just choosing a tux when there’s so much else the groom wants to work on?
Here are the top 20 tasks that are expected of today’s groom:
Foundation Decisions
Determine the wedding style: Will it be an indoor or outdoor wedding? Formal or informal? Hometown or in Hawaii? The style and formality determine all details, so the groom chimes in on the style he wants.
Establish the budget: The groom and bride discuss where the money will come from, if parents will chip in, if they can take on the entire plan themselves, which credit cards will be used, creating an organized spending plan.
Determine the locations and date: Chat with site officiants and managers to coordinate the best pairing of open time slots, the best season for the wedding, the perfect timing and locations for both the ceremony and reception.
Select his bridal party members: Name his inner circle of best man/men, groomsmen, junior groomsmen and ring bearers.
Create the guest list: Hand over that initial list of friends, family, colleagues and neighbors, assess his parents’ prospective guest list, and then work with the bride to pare down all those names to a more manageable final guest list tally.
Register for gifts: Whether in-store or online, join the bride in ‘clicking on’ his choice of shared household items, appliances, honeymoon elements, charitable causes, in today’s average of two to three different gift registries.
Create a personal wedding website: Share location and registry information with guests by designing an attractive and detail-filled personal wedding website.
Planning Details
Participate in dreaming up ceremony details: Write wedding vows, choose readings, music, unity candle rituals and other symbolic parts of the ceremony to reflect the couple’s beliefs and values.
Participate in creating reception details: Brainstorm details on everything from the cocktail party menu to the design and fillings of the wedding cake, whether to hire a DJ or band, choosing bar menu items, and picking wedding favors.
Find, interview and hire vendors: The best vendors make the best weddings, so invest time in locating professionals through friends’ referrals, interview them, and spell out the terms of the working relationship.
Partner in controlling the plans: Join with the bride to keep parents’ requests under control, play mediator, decide on budget cuts, confront difficult vendors and handle the day-to-day challenges of such a vast undertaking.
Choose wedding-day wardrobe and get men’s clothing ordered: Select a tux or suit ensemble, and share the details, get size cards and payments from the men, and coordinate tux rental pickups and drop-offs.
Research and book hotel room: reserve block for guests to get the best possible discount.
Partner on planning the honeymoon: Explore potential dream honeymoon sites, investigate price packages and travel fees, and book not just the getaway but special events during the honeymoon, such as champagne cruises and swims with dolphins for an unforgettable, indulgent vacation.
Choose playlist and first-dance songs: Grooms love to choose the song playlist for the reception, including partnering with the bride on selecting their first-dance song, the mother-son dance and other special song requests, since the entertainment is a very big priority for most grooms.
Attend dance lessons or practice first dance: That first dance is a big moment at the reception.
Attend pre-wedding parties: Many showers are now co-ed affairs and lots of fun.
Additional Tasks
Provide emotional support and romance for the bride: The entire wedding planning season is an intense experience, and the bride will definitely require an emotional boost, support, laughter, and romance from her true love. Pay special attention to her well-being, state of mind, and enjoyment levels, often stepping in to solve problems, and treating the bride to gifts of flowers or dinners out to reconnect as a couple, not just party-planners.
Join the bride in writing thank-you notes: It may not be the most fun possible, but it has to be done. And writing thank-you’s is a great way to revisit the joys of the wedding day and experience gratitude for guests’ generosity. Another post-wedding To-Do: join the bride in selecting wedding photo proofs, design the wedding album, and have portraits framed.
Bring their skill sets to the table: If a groom excels at graphic design, he may lead the task of creating invitations, programs and other print items. If he’s a foodie, he may bring his refined palate to talks with the caterer to create an excellent menu spread. If he’s a whiz with technology, he could create songlist MP3s for the DJ, band or iPod play factors.
While most grooms will say, “It’s her day,” referring to the bride’s wedding dreams, there’s still a big element of infusing their own personalities, wishes and tastes into every element of the wedding day. And best of all, they often make it far more fun for the bride thoughout the planning process.
