photo credit: Nataliya Vaitkevich
As we come together with family and friends to celebrate the holidays, we often share updates on our lives and hopes for the coming year. However, experts at Flora & Fertility advise that sensitive topics like fertility might be left out of the conversation.
Q: What Are Some Topics To Avoid Saying To Newly Weds/Those Who Are Recently Engaged?
● Avoid Suggesting That “What’s Next” Has to Be Kids –
“The holidays can be an exciting time to catch up with family, with attention directed to the newly weds or soon-to-be-bride. While it might be a natural instinct to hint at “what’s next” and nod towards growing a family, Gen-Z and Millennials are increasingly opting to focus on other options in their life in addition to growing their family. By immediately asking about kids, you’re placing couples in a box – especially women, that the value they bring is as a mother when the reality is women and couples are looking to futures that allow the duality of womanhood that could include being a mother, but also an exciting and successful career, inspiring travel, owning a home, and so much more.
Allow the new couple to focus on other aspects of the future that might be exciting them – whether it’s advancing in their
career, traveling, buying a new home, or having kids.” – Dr. Christy Lane, Co-Founder Flora Fertility
● Avoid Discussing The Finances of A Wedding, but do Discuss Future Financial Planning –
“During a high-spend holiday period and big life events like a wedding or engagement, the idea of budgeting can be overwhelming. New data shows that less than a third of Gen-Z feels financially secure, and nearly half rely on their parents for financial help. As couples enter this new stage of life, opting to invest in their future freedom so that they have options for family growth, should they choose it, is critical. Fertility can be daunting, and this younger generation has been fed confusing messaging with fear mongering around freezing your eggs, the infertility crisis and more. While there is a rising infertility rate, there is no need for fear or to add on to this “biological clock fear mongering” through well-intentioned comments around family planning. Instead, discuss future goals and affordable solutions in the breadth of what a future might look like from career, travel, homes, or children. There are new strategies for investment and protecting against financial risk, even around fertility treatment costs. It’s about planning early to have uplifting but impactful conversations.” – Laura McDonald, Co-Founder of Flora Fertility
● Avoid Pre-Conception Timeline Discussions: ““When are you going to have a baby?”
This is simply not a conversation to have unless you’re the couple’s doctor. Steer clear of questions about their plans to conceive. You can’t know what’s going on behind closed doors, and their personal health is, well, personal. Asking about when they plan to start a family or how they’re preparing can unintentionally create pressure or discomfort. Instead, focus on being a supportive listener (and remember, listening doesn’t always mean coming to the table with a suggestion). If they ask for your opinion or direction, share helpful facts and suggest they speak with a doctor about optimizing fertility and exploring preconception health at their own pace.” – Samantha Diamond, CEO and Co-Founder of Bird&Be
● Avoid Making Medically Inaccurate Statements “You’re young, you’ve got time (to try for a baby)” or “You’re young, you’ve got nothing to worry about (with your fertility).”
You don’t know a person’s medical status, and while age is a major factor in fertility, it’s not the only one. Statements like these can be dismissive of potential challenges the couple may face. Young people can experience fertility issues for various reasons, including conditions like PCOS or low sperm motility. Also, these statements are often directed solely at women, even though research shows that up to 50% of infertility cases involve male factor. Instead, simply congratulate the couple and stay out of their family planning journey unless they specifically ask for your input or support.” – Samantha Diamond, CEO and Co-Founder of Bird&Be
● Avoid Setting Your Own Experience as Precedent: “When we were engaged, we had everything planned out—marriage, a house, and kids within a couple of years. You should try right away; it was great to be young parents.”
Statements like this create unnecessary pressure and comparison. They can leave the couple feeling like they’re navigating their new chapter “incorrectly” or that they need to follow the same path to be successful. It’s their life, not yours, and it’s important to honor that. Instead, be supportive without inserting personal stories or judgments. Celebrate their happiness, let them share their plans at their own pace, and simply wish them well. This is their moment—your role is to cheer them on without adding stress.” – Samantha Diamond, CEO and Co-Founder of Bird&Be
