You go together like milk and cookies; you fit together like the teeth of a zipper and not even the craziest of life’s circumstances can get you stuck—you found your person and you’re ready to say “I do”.
Is that it though? Are you going to say anything else?
Have you given any thought to your vows? Let’s not forget that these are the vows that bind you together for a lifetime: They are meant to remind you why you chose each other in the first place and become the pep talk you need when you feel like you’re up against the world. So why not write personalized vows that won’t just live in a frame on your walls, but inhabit every room of your heart? Vows that will stand with you in one moment on your wedding day and stand the test of time.
As a vow-writing coach, I know how much it pays off when people are intentional about the promises they exchange on their wedding day, so I wanted to share a few tips with you:
1. Think more about the marriage than the wedding day. Maybe that means spending the same amount of money on couples counselling as you do on florals, or planning some date nights for five months after your wedding, while you’re driving around the city doing cake tastings. This mindset will also help you make good decisions (both big and small) about the day itself: For my husband and I, this meant having a food truck cater our reception and investing more into quality videography.
2. Set a goal! Take it from your new favorite vow-writing expert, those words are worth every minute you spend on them. So even right now, take a few minutes to set a goal for your vows, then, write it down on a piece of paper (or a note in your phone). Here are some simple questions to get you started: Are you hoping to reveal a new dimension of yourself? Do you want to write quotable lines that your future kids will know by heart?
Are you trying to make your spouse feel something specific? Do you just want them to belly laugh? Cry? Re-fall in love?
3. The truth-ier, the better. Please, please, please, tell the truth. This may sound like a given, and yet if we’re not careful, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using words like “never” and “always” rather carelessly. Resist the urge to use clichés and aim to make promises you truly believe you can keep.
I sincerely hope that as you plan your wedding, reminisce about what brought you here, dream for the future and write your own vows, you realize that this chapter in your unique love story is setting you up for an even better one called marriage.
Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help writing amour words,
Written by Alicia Snider (Vow-Writing Coach based in Canada, founder of Amour Words)